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body-image, cleaners, crying, decluttering, Organization, poker, relaxing, trash

Back to me?

Maybe . . . yesterday was an awful day! (Biggest reason I didn’t post.)

I woke up crabby . . . again. At my poor Italian. (The man has the patience of a saint . . . I swear . . . and I can see I’m wearing it thin!)

So, on my way to work I stopped at Ukrop’s . . . I mean Martin’s. (Farewell dear Ukrops! You will be missed! Martin’s can’t compare! They can try . . . but they’re not a Richmond institution like you were! You rocked! I’ll miss your organic sections!) I did some retail therapy.

OH! And YUM! I found POMx Iced Chocolate Coffee! It was totally yum! Had soy in it. BOO!!

I also picked up a jar of Nutella. Otherwise known to me as crack in a jar. O . . . M . . . G! I’m glad it’s slightly exspensive . . . Otherwise I think I’d try to LIVE off the stuff! SO yummy! (Really good in oatmeal too!) I think there’s a recipe online for home-made nutella. I’m going to have to find it and make it. This stuff is incredible! YUM! But I don’t get how it’s a breakfast spread. It’s far too sweet! Tastes more like a dessert to me!

On my way home yesterday I was thinking about the disparity between what the mirror tells me and what my mind’s eye sees. In my head, I’m in shape, fit and totally healthy. The mirror shows a different picture. I’ve got a ways to go still. But I do have a shape. And it’s not round!! I’m more hour glassish . . . if you look on from the front.

I don’t think I’ll ever be boyish straight. I’d have to be pretty wide to do that. I’m broad shouldered and it seems as though my hips for gotten bigger. Or is that just the excess on them? Eh . . . I like the way they look.

I made it back to Curves on Tuesday! YAY!! Speaking of which, I was up 1.8 pounds when I weighed in at Weight Watchers. But yesterday morning and this morning my scale at home has held me steady at 207.8, so that 1 pound disappeared. YAY!!

I was supposed to get my measurements done, but I really only had time to go once around the circuit before I had to leave for a meeting at church. Of course if I hadn’t spent 30 minutes in the car talking to Mom, I could have done a full work-out.

But Mom takes priority!

Especially when you’re hearing about your little brother and his new fiance! It sounds like nailing down a wedding date is going to be hard! She can’t go to Texas with him after he finishes in California . . . and their original plans of getting married in December sound shot. When he goes back he’ll be starting his second semester of language training and working 16 hour days . . . not a good way to start a marriage. It’s also CRUCIAL that he pass the second semester. I don’t want him turning into an IUD Finder . . . er . . . truck driver.

(Ergh! Can’t find a picture of my brother that blogger will load up! BAD BLOGGER!! BAD!!)

How did I get on Tuesday again? I was talking about yesterday! 

So at work I pretty much stayed quiet cause I wasn’t feeling like my perky self . . . still don’t, but I’m getting there. By the end of the day I pretty much felt like crap and just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. Of course that wasn’t going to happen. We had poker at the house!

And my darling Italian told me he had been looking into cleaners to come clean our apartment for us . . .

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WHAT! 

Okay, I suck at house cleaning. No kidding! But I’m getting better at it, and before my Italian had his surgery, he did a good portion of it. Dishes, laundry . . . that sort of thing. Since his surgery, its fallen to me to do. Well . . . working full time doesn’t make it easy! It’s been a stresser recently.

But having people come into clean for us? Nu-uh!

That was really really upsetting. I wanted to cry right then and there . . . I didn’t. But I wanted to.

*sigh* Sometimes I don’t think that he gets that I’M FRIGGIN’ EXHAUSTED when I come home from work. I don’t like living in a messy house . . . But I’m worn out at the end of the day. And thinking about cleaning it is overwhelming! I NEED HIS FUCKING HELP! Not some stranger! 

We’ve decided to set up a cleaning schedule and we’ll figure out how to get it cleaned up.

So fucking upsetting. He couldn’t have picked a worse day. I already felt like shit and then he was essentially calling me a bad wife! (No, he wasn’t, but that’s what I heard.) 

My plan was to go to bed and sleep while he was playing poker (did I mention I was exhausted!). That didn’t happen. Instead I moved my grandmother’s vanity out of our closet, got it mostly set up and started working on cleaning my side of the room! I found the floor! It didn’t leave! It’s still there! YAY!! 

It looks better over there . . . still a mess, but I threw a TON of paper away and I’ve got a stack of books on the shelf on my nightstand that I want to read. OH! And I cleaned up my nightstand. It’s now a techie haven! LOL! My netbook finally has a home, my phone charger is next to it as is the mouse and all my meds are secured (except my synthroid which lives on my nightstand) in the drawer undearneath.

I like the way it looks. I’ll be happy once it’s all cleaned up and organized. It’s going to take time, but it’ll get there!

I’m unearthing me! I think getting our bedroom to a peaceful, serene, relaxed, decluttered place will be good for both of us.

From there I can launch into the rest of the house. Though the next project will be our closet. There’s lots of crap in there that needs to go.

🙂

I think happy me is back . . .

Even if I am still worn out and tired. But that will get fixed . . . soon I hope!

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Discussion

One thought on “Back to me?

  1. That POM Coffee drink looks delicious! I need to see if I can find that here.Standing in front of the mirror and realizing the difference of what you perceive and what is there is a great step in the direction of accepting and loving yourself. I've been forcing myself to spend a couple extra minutes in front of the mirror every morning just staring and trying to have a positive attitude about it. "This ass is huge, but it's kinda cute that way. My shoulders are kinda sexy" etc.If your man wants to get someone to come clean the apartment as a gift to you. Shit, girl, take it!!! I don't think he's saying that you are lazy and not doing your job as the woman of the house. Maybe he knows you are exhausted and he wants to do this as a gift. But i understand how you feel. This is your domain and you can't see someone else go snooping through your turf and taking over your job. If it's overwhelming and intimidating, just taking one room per day will really make a huge difference.

    Posted by Sharper | April 30, 2010, 12:20 am

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